My husband and I thought that it would be good for our family to have our own family agreements. These agreements will be the basis on how we would act and treat each other not only at home, but wherever in the world we may be.
Agreements are defined as a harmony in opinions and feelings, and we want to have a family dynamic where everyone’s opinions and feelings are respected and acknowledged. As such, we want to make sure that our family agreements are pleasant for everyone.
So, one fine afternoon, the three of us sat together for a family meeting. Emman and I explained to Tala that we would be coming up with our family agreements, and that we would write these agreements on a big paper that we would hang on our room.
We made sure that Tala is empowered to speak her mind, and not just to passively listen to us. So, we asked her to come up with suggestions, and we discussed every suggestion that was put on the table.
At the end of our first family meeting, we came up with the Santos Family’s Agreement, as shown in the photo below. We have five agreements at the moment.
Santos Family’s Agreement
- We respect bonding time and alone time.
We agree that we all need personal space from time to time. When somebody asks for it, we should respect it and wait until the time allotted for personal space is over. For instance, when Nanay needs personal space for journaling for 30 minutes, Tala and Tatay can watch a video together until the time is up.
- We use kind and respectful voices.
This agreement is essential for us to follow especially when we become upset or angry about something. Regardless of what we are feeling, it is important to use a kind and respectful voice at all times. Yelling and whining are specifically discouraged. And when we forget to follow, we remind each other about this agreement.
To make sure that we handle our big emotions well, we resort to breathing techniques and calming strategies that would prevent us from yelling or whining. These techniques are highlighted in another blog.
- We help each other.
We do not have a helper or a nanny. This means that we rely on each other’s help for all tasks to be done with. We all have our own chores, but we don’t actually call them chores as this word has a negative connotation. Instead, we just call these as helpful actions. Tala’s helpful contributions include dishing out her plate, tidying up her things, and putting her clothes in the cabinet. She is free to help out in other activities at home when she likes to.
- We respect our time for prayer.
We want to continue with our prayer life, especially before meals, before sleeping, and during the Mass. We fill our hearts with gratitude and hope, which is something that we get from prayer.
- No hitting.
In my previous blog, I wrote that I had a “hitting” phase, which I am not proud of. It is now part of our agreement that nobody is allowed to hurt each other physically anymore. So far, everyone is doing this agreement well.
We stick this Santos Family’s Agreement on our bedroom wall to remind us of what we agreed upon. We are happy that this agreement works so well in our family life, and it keeps the peace and love in our hearts not only at home, but also when we are on our travels.
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