Is your kid too busy? Or is what they are doing after school just right? Find out below. 

Just weeks ago, my 6-year-old daughter asked me if she could have a playdate after school with one of her best friends. I said I would give her friend’s mom a call to set it up. 

I tried to, but it wasn’t easy. 

I did not realize that arranging a playdate between first graders after school is hard. 

“Oh, sure, but she has Spanish class on Mondays and Fridays, gymnastics on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and violin on Wednesdays. How about on Saturday?” my daughter’s friend’s mom said. 

“Oh, we have dance classes.”

My husband and I are both happy with our approach to after-school programs. We do not feel it is necessary to bombard our child with activities after school. Also, we do not want to force our child to learn something that she is not interested in. So, our conservative attack on extracurriculars is just to have it on a Saturday, when she is not tired and overstimulated from school. 

However, hearing about the many after-school activities that other Grade 1 kids have makes me think about whether my child is benefitting or not from our simple approach to extracurricular activities. Is my child happy with this set-up, or is she missing out on all skills that she could have possibly learned from after-school activities? 

This question made me remember a casual conversation that I had with my neighbor while at the grocery one morning. She said that as early as possible, children should be exposed to as many activities so that they can discover their interests, their passions, and their skills. Later on, the number of these activities will lessen as the children focus only on activities that they want to pursue further.

Do children really need after-school activities?

Dr. Dan Brennan, a pediatrician from California, states that there are many benefits of extracurricular activities for children. For one, having sports after school helps children to exercise and spend time outdoors. Playing in team sports such as basketball and volleyball also promotes a sense of belongingness and improves social development.

 Similarly, a study conducted among adolescent children showed that being enrolled in arts classes suggests the possible reduction of externalizing behaviors, such as aggression, defiance, and substance abuse.

However, there are also setbacks to having a schedule packed with extracurricular activities. Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of “The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap,” shares that there are many problems associated with overscheduling children with activities. For one, children become anxious because their time to calm down their minds is limited as they rush from one activity to another. Also, their time for unstructured play by themselves with their peers becomes scarce – something that is greatly needed especially for children’s social and emotional development. 

As parents, we are always striving our best to give our children a multitude of learning experiences while shielding them from the stresses of a packed schedule. Also, in this digital age, parents resort to after-school activities to keep them away from their go-to gadgets at home. We want our kids to discover their talents and grow them, but when does it become too much?

Why my daughter has no after-school activity

My daughter is not enrolled in any weekday activity after school. But, first, let me tell you our history with after-school activities. 

When our daughter was in Early Years, at around 4 years old, we enrolled her in ballet classes. When she moved up to Kindergarten, we enrolled her in Cooking, Rainbow Clay, and Ballet classes. But now that she is in first grade, she expressed her desire not to be enrolled in any after-school activity. Why? 

“Because I’m tired after school, Nanay (Mom). I just want to rest at home.” 

As a family that values respect, we respected her decision. In the same way, as a family that values well-roundedness, we agreed on her having Hip-hop dance classes on Saturdays, when she is not tired from school. 

Not all children are alike. While some are like my daughter who feels spent after a day in school, some children seem to have endless sources of energy all day. That’s okay! Maybe they are the ones who will benefit from activities after school! 

What to consider before enrolling in activities

In this part, I will share with you some of the factors that we considered before deciding on enrolling our child in after school activities. 

Child’s Interest

The first thing to consider when planning an after-school activity is to check if your child is interested in it. You can probably show your child some photos or videos of children under the program. If the activity venue is convenient to visit, you can also let your child observe an ongoing class just to see how it is.

Sign up for a trial lesson if your child is interested to try it out. Most of the time, classes have a special discounted rate for trial classes, or some even offer trial classes for free! 

You can also see what your child is interested in based on the activities that she enjoys doing during her free time. Does she like playing the piano? Maybe a piano class will help her develop more. Is she making flips and rolls on the ground? Maybe a gymnastics class is for her. 

Picking the best after-school activity for our children can be a hit-and-miss. When my daughter Tala was 5, she expressed her desire to learn gymnastics, but changed her mind after going to a trial class. Same happened with my friend’s daughter, who went to a cooking class and withdrew after one try. 

So far, Tala has been enjoying her Hip-Hop classes every Saturday. She shows more confidence in moving her body, and is more interested in music and movement. 

But, we are not at all worried if one day, she expresses her desire to stop dancing hiphop and begin learning another skill. “Passion is the greatest gift of self-discovery”, says Katie Hurley, a child psychotherapist and a parenting expert. Our children’s interests and enthusiasm for activities change over time. This process helps them in discovering more about their passions, their skills, and their talents.

Everybody’s Time

Scheduling extracurricular activities and after-school lessons should take into consideration everybody’s time. It is not only the child’s schedule that would be affected, but also that of the parent who will bring the child to and pick them up from the class. 

Consider asking these questions before scheduling an extracurricular activity: 

Who will bring the child to class? Who will pick her up? 

Is there enough transition time from school to the activity? 

Will family dinner time be affected by the schedule? 

Is my child going to be too tired when she comes back from the activity? 

Will she have enough energy to do her homework? 

This consideration reminded me of a Singaporean TV series, Lion Mums, that I binge-watched weeks ago. The child, who was in Primary One, needed to wake up at 5:00 in the morning every day for her swimming classes. Then, she will go to school, go home in the afternoon, and do her homework. She was portrayed in the series as an over-exhausted child who sleeps in school and cheats on her homework. Clearly, her day’s schedule is not helping at all!

Cost of Activities

Let’s face it. The price of activities are expensive! Here in Cambodia, the hourly rate of group activities range from $10 to $16, while the hourly rate of one-on-one activities range from $20 to $30. So, for a once-a-week group activity for one hour, parents need to pay as much as $64 per month.

Let’s do more Math! Let’s say that your child goes to 5 after-school activities in a week, if using the same rate above, then you need to pay $320 per month per child. 

What if you have 3 children whom you also want to be well-rounded individuals? Then you will pay $960 per month for after-school activities alone. Plus plus extra charge for costumes, recital fees, transportation costs, and so on and so forth. 

But to some parents, these fees are worth it. In our case, we spent $120 for 10 hours of hip hop dance classes. It may be costly, but we are happy to see Tala blossoming, discovering her talents, and becoming more confident in performing. Also, we see how she becomes more comfortable being with other kids, trying something difficult, and emerging fulfilled after learning something new. 

Relevance of Activity

We talked about considering the interest of our child in picking an after-school activity, but we should also factor in the relevance and usefulness of the activity as the child gets older.

 For instance, if your child is interested in both Ballet and Swimming and she can only choose one, she can choose the one that she thinks would be more relevant in the future. It could be swimming if your family’s goal for after-school activities is developing life skills, or it could be ballet if your child’s dream is to become a successful ballerina later on.

Activities can also be deemed relevant based on the values children develop in the process. According to Dr. Brennan, after-school programs help children learn different values that can be beneficial to their lifelong personal goals. Sports develop teamwork, determination, and discipline, while the arts develop creativity, expression, and originality. 

In our case, we are happy with Tala’s hip-hop class because it helps her develop her self-confidence, personal expression, and connecting with others. These are values that will help her become a better person later on. 

Activities with Families and Friends 

Not all extracurricular activities need to happen formally at learning centers. Some can be done in an unstructured way with families and friends who can impart basic skills to our children. 

In our case, Tala is showing interest in playing the piano. Since we have a piano at home and I know the basics of playing the piano, I teach her basic piano skills informally, when she is up for it. Right now, she can play the songs Happy birthday, Mary had a little lamb, Twinkle Twinkle, Hot cross buns, and This old man. I would enrol her in a formal piano class should she show more interest in it later on. 

My husband, an athlete, easily saw Tala’s potential in sports while they were catching and throwing a frisbee at the park one afternoon. As such, they try to spend an afternoon per week just playing catch and throw, with progressing levels of difficulty, such as aiming the frisbee at a target spot or object. Sometimes, my daughter’s friend joins in, which adds up to the fun and excitement of the informal play.

What’s Next?

Being enrolled in after-school activities is a good way to develop certain values and skills relevant to our children’s development. For this reason, there is no problem giving our children activities that would suit their schedules, improve on their talents, and promote a sense of well-being. As parents, it is important to assess whether their schedules still create a balance between free play and structured activities. Just like adults, when balance is lost, problems arise, such as anxiety, stress, and poor academic performance. 

Thank you for reading this far. I hope this article inspired you in one way or another. Remember, this is Moms Inspiring Moms! 

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