As parents, we say many things to our kids every day… We give reminders about school, we check if they have done their errands, we ask if they ate healthy snacks, and so on.
But what if I tell you, of all the stuff that we tell our kids every day, there are 4 simple sentences that are essential for us to tell them every day?
Let us start with the first one.
- I love you!
The most important message that our kids need to hear from us every day is “I love you!”
“I love you without any conditions!”
As a parent, it is important to understand that it is our job to love our children unconditionally.
No matter how they show up, tell them “I love you!”
Even if they mess up, the message is still the same – “I love you!”
Letting our kids know that we love them is such a powerful message that triggers positive emotions and feelings of security.
Now, we all vary in our love languages, and Gary Chapman states that a parent’s love language may be different from their child’s.
Understand what your love languages are and make your child feel your “I love you” consistent with how they receive love.
Is your child’s love language quality time? Spend time with them, play with them, and sneak in a sweet “I love you!” Double the love felt, right?
In whatever form, just make it known to your child every single day that you love them!
- Make good choices!
Our kids, regardless of the age that they are in, are making their own choices every day.
They just want to take control of their lives!
And what better way to empower them to do this other than reminding them to make smart and good choices.
When we tell our kids that they can make good choices independently, we also tell them that they are responsible for the choices that they make along the way.
They learn to weigh all their options, calculate all risks associated with each choice, and eventually make a choice.
Application for younger children:
Young kids make a lot of choices even at their tender age.
They may just feel slightly overwhelmed when they are facing many options to choose from.
As a parent, what we can do to support is to narrow down their choices to make it easier for them to think about what they want.
- Do you want to have a playdate on Saturday or on Sunday?
- Do you want to paint or build a castle today?
- Do you want to spend your free time indoors or outdoors?
- Should you wear your rubber shoes or sandals to school today?
In some cases, though, we can use a little game of trickery to get them to choose from the options that we like.
For instance, if we want them to stay away from unhealthy food, we can let them choose between two healthy food choices: carrots or broccoli? Yogurt or milkshake?
Application for older children:
In the same way, older children also want to exercise their freedom over their day.
- Will I join the football or the drama club?
- How do I want to decorate my room this month?
- Should I hang out with my friend first before I work on my project?
- Will I tell my mom that I have a crush on X?
For older children, it is important to let them know that they can turn to us for guidance if they want our inputs before they make an important choice in life.
Let them choose! Just remind them to make good choices.
- You can do it!
Telling our children that they can do it encourages them to believe in their own abilities and skills.
Application for younger children:
Young children are at the stage wherein they are still developing physically, socially, emotionally, and intellectually. It is important for us parents to empower them that they can do whatever it is that they want to be good at for them to have a sense of initiative.
This does not only apply to skills that they want to master, such as climbing, rolling, reading, or dancing.
Telling our children “You can do it!” also applies to solving problems and resolving conflicts among their siblings or peers.
Instead of hovering over our children and solving every problem for them, let them practice their critical thinking skills and allow them to work on their own issues by themselves.
Fighting over a toy? Watch and see how they will work things out.
Couldn’t tie their shoelaces? Patiently wait while they try doing it themselves.
Just observe from the back seat and share your wisdom when they ask for it.
Application for older children:
Older children are at the stage wherein they are trying to find their identity. They will learn more about themselves as they do things by themselves and in their own way.
Telling our children “You can do it!” gives them ownership of their actions while learning about their own personalities.
I know that it is too tempting to act on their behalf to spare them from any impending heartbreak or failure, but this will not help.
Again, instead of becoming a helicopter parent, just take a back seat, observe from a distance, and wait for them to ask for help.
- Be kind
One of the most important values in the world is kindness. When we teach our child to be kind, we are teaching them to be friendly, to be generous, and to be considerate of the feelings of others.
The Dalai Lama once said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
What is magical about kindness is that it makes both the giver and the receiver of kindness feel good.
People who receive kindness feel cared for. They feel valued. They feel included.
Similarly, kids who show kindness feel better about themselves. They become more positively connected with their peers. They become happier individuals.
And what is the most effective way of teaching our kids to be kind?
It is for us to be kind, ourselves.
Children learn by observing their environment and imitating their role models. Well, at home, we, parents, are their models!
Therefore, if we want our kids to be kind, they have to see that we are kind, too.
So, every day, let us always encourage our kids to be kind through our words and actions.
Call to Action
Being a parent is not easy. Having a positive relationship with our kids takes effort.
The challenge for us parents is to remember to say these 4 statements to our kids daily.
It is easy and doable!
Start today and you will see how it will positively change your child’s worldview and your relationship within the family.
